Hello everybody! How are you doing, are you ok? It’s okay if you’re not. Actually, considering how things are going globally, there are plenty of reasons why one could feel a little beside themselves. Luckily good things are also happening, and I have made it a daily routine to seek out positive news every day, which has severely improved my mental health.
This is a party outfit, although I was not actually going out when we took these pictures, full transparency, and all. I just wanted to feel pretty and there is no shame in that.
I actually wanted to use this moment and be a little bit open and vulnerable with you guys today. So this is a public service announcement: I have been terribly anxious about going to parties lately. And you might think that there are many obvious reasons for this, like ahaha a global pandemic, which obviously also plays into this for sure. However, Denmark has been doing really well and we are allowed to gather in smaller groups now. No, the reason why I have been anxious is that I am wearing my feelings on my sleeve, and it shows.
I engage and care about a lot of things, and hell my entire job revolves around social and environmental injustices, so naturally, these are topics that take up quite a bit of space for me. And I often end up discussing these issues at gatherings and get-togethers, in a way that is perhaps not the healthiest. Last weekend I talked to some friends with whom I completely shared values and ethics, and still, I felt my pulse running wild and I was in full defense mode – even though there was nothing to defend.
I love getting political, but these past 6 months it’s been hard to find that perfect middle ground where we talk and share ideas without pouring out everything inside. With topics like systemic racism, the impact of factory farming, or sweatshop workers being something that often occupies my mind, I have a hard time talking about these issues in a way that does not take a serious toll on my energy at a party. (edit: I would also like to point out that I know how minute and small this issue is, especially in comparison to other things in the world, but still, I want to share how I feel, so, just for context, I know I have small problems lol)
This is something that I am seriously working on, because I don’t want to shy away altogether from conversations about serious issues, even in a casual setting, but I also cannot let myself get caught up in these issues to the point where I cannot talk about anything else. Ultimately, I think it is important to develop a mechanism that takes some of the pressure of you and your position in conversations like this. Would I not love to casually come into a conversation where someone is clearly wrong, casually make my opinion known, and casually walk away? Heck yeah, that sounds amazing, but rather I am the one diving into a 2-hour conversation about why trans peoples’ experience of life is valid because some bloke decided to make a stupid joke.
Would I rather no one corrected or critqued ignorant behavior, no of course not. And one of my tasks as a person “living” on the interest, working online and making a living from uploading content, is learning how to turn it off once in a while. I am learning how to enjoy myself with my friends and people around me and how to dismiss ignorance without having those conversations be stuck in my head for the rest of the night. I want to simply be the gurl who is looking for the recycling bin and a good time.